Teacher Training – What It Meant To Me
October 2015 I was jobless, loveless and hopeless. All I had was my yoga practice and my physical activities like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and CrossFit. I kept a happy face to everyone else, but inside I was breaking. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I was in the process of trying to keep my home from foreclosure because I had been without a job for 14 months at that time. I had been working odd jobs. had received unemployment some of the time, used my savings, and was teaching as a professor online to keep up with my basic needs…I was surviving. I had a complicated and confusing love life. Needless to say, I was trying to stay in a place of peace while the storm of life was raging around me.
I kept trying to force my way into the yoga teacher training and for some reason, nothing fell into place; timing and communication were just not working out. I ended up running into Joy, and all of my sadness and frustration just flooded out. Through the conversation, I learned it was not too late for me join yoga teacher training. I had missed the first weekend. After talking to Joy and realizing if I got my application in that day, and made up my missed time, I could catch up. I felt renewed because I felt everything happened the way it was supposed to.
So, I showed up the next weekend to teacher training after everyone had bonded and met and shared their experiences and trail names. Although I should have felt out of place with strangers, I immediately felt a warmth and welcome spirit. I was immediately embraced. I found that I knew a person, she was a person I had known of in the past, but we weren’t close…we were cordial. But teacher training changed all of that, she was my sister during teacher training.
From the moment I stepped into the room, this quirky and diverse group embraced me spiritually, physically and covered me emotionally. They gave me a safe place to feel okay being different and weird and open-minded. Everyone there was open to their own growth, no matter how it looked. I learned so much about myself and grew over the course of the next 5 months. They gave me light, so that I could radiate light to others. As my life continued to have ups and downs, yoga teacher training was my constant. My tribe was consistent.
I was afraid of cueing people, afraid of bearing my fears to others and afraid of making mistakes. I kept thinking people would discover I was a fraud because I lived less than a guru-type of life. I still had growing to do…I still ate meat!!! But over the course of the months, I had to focus on each task at hand, and not worry about what would happen a year from now…just focus on the assignment in front of me. As time went on, my confidence in my voice started to come back. My self-awareness and self-assuredness started to reemerge. My practice started to improve because I understood what I should be focusing on within myself through the asana’s and through my psyche.
Suddenly, the one that could not cue a pose, started cuing people into and out of poses. It was not just about the pose, but connecting to others and helping heal myself as I served others.
As my tribe supported me and breathed life into my less-than-perfect life, I started to accept that the universe had my back. Although I could not see the future, it was going to work out whether I participated or not. I decided to participate. I also earned my Blue Belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu while in yoga teacher training.
By the time the spring came, things started to shift. I made it through the holidays, and through the new year. I went to court to keep my house out of foreclosure in the end of March, interviewed for a new job April 6th, graduated from yoga teacher training April 10th and started my new position April 18th. After being unemployed for 20 months, I found the perfect position I was looking for, just-like-that. It gave me the pay I needed, the growth opportunity I needed, and the work-life balance I needed.
I am convinced that yoga teacher training prepared me for my new position. I had found my voice again, was able to speak my truth and not afraid to be who I was. I was able to put my intention in the universe and accept not knowing all of the answers. However, I knew that the universe would support me the way the wings do on a bird as they soar. My tribe gives me life, we still come together and stay quirky and odd. We laugh together and cry together, celebrate together and grow together.
We are still in love with each other and life as we know it.